Bad returner of phone calls.
Bad e-mailer.
Please don't think I am ignoring you. Really! I love you and your calls and cards and e-mails. I even love blogging.
But sometimes, I get tired of talking about cancer, chemo, breasts, and tests. When we're talking on the phone and I change the subject to talk about your PMS, your kids' messes, your new living room furniture or latest great (or terrible) recipe, you might think, "Oh, the poor thing. She is really uncomfortable talking about her breast cancer."
In actuality, I just find it really ... boring.
I have discovered that being diagnosed with cancer seems to also mean being defined as having cancer. I know this and am not in denial. However, I am still a mom, friend, photographer, procrastinator, reader, animal lover, cake stand collector, and iTunes addict. Those things (and yours) are much more fun to talk about, especially if I'm returning phone calls and have already answered all the questions you ask me that day several times over.
Please don't feel bad for asking, though. Just understand if I change the subject, and here: let me answer a few of the questions I've been asked a lot recently, in case I haven't returned your phone call or e-mail or doorbell ring or letter. I was probably asleep, if you want to know the truth, and just too darn pooped to get up and answer the door, and I probably had the phone turned off, and I might not even have checked my e-mail all day.
1) Are you done with chemo?
Not yet. I finished four rounds of Adriamycin/Cytoxan (also known as "AC" or "red Kool-Aid," because the Adriamycin is wicked red and so is your pee afterwards). I have had one visit with my new combination: Taxol/Herceptin. I go every week for 12 weeks for this combination. It makes me very tired and achy.
2) How are you feeling?
Pretty good, actually. As I said, I get very, very tired a couple of days after chemo and it lasts for a couple of days, and I feel extremely fortunate to be able to sleep pretty much anytime I want to during that time. This is thanks to Saint Anthony, my family, and my ward, who watch my kids and bring us food.
3) What is your prognosis?
This is my least favorite question, but it seems to come up a lot. To me, it is a question that is really asking, "Are you going to live or die?" I know that's probably not what the questioner truly has in mind, but still. I plan to live and my doctor says I should live a very long life. We discovered this early enough that I can beat it, but it will take a while to get there.
4) What's next?
After I finish my chemo, I will have surgery. This means a mastectomy, and my hope is to have a bilateral mastectomy. Good-bye, both boobs. Hello, reconstructed Frankenstein-ish boobs. You see, my maternal grandmother, aunt, and many cousins had breast cancer, and in my grandmother's case, hers started in one breast and came back in the other two years later. I am really not interested in having breast cancer twice, so I would rather just have the surgeon take them both and build me a fresh set. Surgery should happen in February. After that, I have radiation. I'm not sure how long that will last.
Grandpa and Grandma Tibbitts5) Have you considered vitamins/grapeseed oil/holly injections/etc. instead of chemo?
No. Thank you. I have a rather aggresive form of breast cancer and, as you may guess, I am not interested in it hanging around. My belief is that this traditional method of treatment is the best option for beating this cancer. That being said, I certainly offer up my respect for each individual's right to treat their own cancer how they want. I am pursuing some complementary treatments, including yoga and acupuncture, but that is in addition to the chemo/surgery/radiation.
P.S. Please don't tell me that chemo will probably kill me if the cancer doesn't. It won't.
6) Do you wear a wig?
Not yet. I have one, but haven't had George steam, cut, and style it yet. I like my baseball caps, knit caps, scarves, and other stylish head coverings (thank you, Heidi, Kathleen, and my mom's nice co-worker) better so far. I'm getting tired of the same look, though, so that may change in the future. It helps that A. is always telling me I'm beautiful (when he's not calling me "baldy," that is).
7) Are you bald? Totally?
Yes. I have a little bit of stubble left, but not much. No, I don't have to shave my armpits or legs anymore. I haven't lost my eyebrows and eyelashes yet, but they tell me the Taxol may do that later.
That's all I can think of for tonight. I have chemo tomorrow, which means I will sleep for several days, and probably won't be blogging much in that time period. But don't think I've forgotten you, blog readers and friends of mine. I love you and appreciate your prayers and kind words, food, cards, and so much more. You help me more than you know.
Please send more questions so I can write FAQ volume 2 soon.
12 comments:
Kristy - you're have such an awesome personality! I love how you are strong and to the point but understanding at the same time. I personally have a lot to talk to you about that has nothing to do with cancer. I'll give you a few days and then I'll try to pick your photographer brain. ;)
You are amazing, Kristy. Thanks for the update. I love your courage and spunk. Keepin' you in my prayers. Glad you have people taking care of you.
Great update! Everything you want to know about boobie cancer but were afraid to ask. Let's go to Costa Rica and have some fun. Okay? Okay.
Now that is a blog entry that leaves a reader satisfied that you have offered all the facts and your true opinions as well! Thanks!
that was perfect. I love knowing everything and that covered everything ever so nicely, it was very helpful to know how you feel when I call everyday to ask about your wig :)
Now I will have to call you and update you on my life :)
And I definitely want "in" on the Costa Rica trip :)
I didn't know you collected Cake Stands????
Sad but true. I have way more cake stands and ramekins than one person should.
So. Thanks for the picture of Mr. & Mrs. Howard Tibbitts. I haven't seen one for years, and it made me feel really good to remember them, how much I miss them, and what sweet people they were.
Here is my question: Do you still need a bikini wax? Inquiring minds want to know!
You look better in nothing but a knit cap and sunglasses (and dog) than a person should. Cancer or not.
(p.s. The questions some people ask you are kind of shocking. But I really shouldn't be shocked considering my hometeacher once asked me "how does it feel to be barren?" Hmmm...GREAT!)
You look almost as cute as you did in 9th grade when everyone would confuse you with that other girl with short hair - what was her name again? Oh ya, Kate.
And, top this. My visiting teacher who is 39 informed me that her 65 year old husband is a "4 orgasm man". Now, THAT'S what I call a visiting teaching message.
Love ya Kristy.
Oh, my goodness. These comments are highly amusing to me. Thank you, all.
BTW -- that was my brother who asked about my bikini waxing needs!
I have to comment that "no, you are not your cancer" it is just part of your experience right now. I view it all as this interesting part of my past that gave me a unique understanding of... well, so many things it would be tough to narrow it down to just one. Just don't hold it close, observe it, experience it and use what you learn to continue to benefit others and yourself... I think you are an amazing woman and I love your blogs, even when you are remiss (like I could throw stones on that one)! Love you sis (we are part of the same, very unusual, sorority now). You remain in my prayers.
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