In case you haven't talked to me, you may not know that I was not excited about losing my hair. I knew it was coming, as the nurses called Adriamycin the "automatic hair removal system," but still, I didn't realize how unhappy it would make me.
And this made me feel guilty, because I thought, of all the worries I have, why should I be worried about my hair? After all, it will grow back, right? But still, it was tough to see it go.
When it started coming out in chunks and handfuls and covered my brush, I couldn't take it anymore. I called George, who agreed to get rid of it all for me. When I first got there, he saw that I did still have plenty of hair (or so it seemed) and asked if maybe I wasn't jumping the gun a little bit? So I just ran my fingers through my hair and, when George saw the handful that came out, he said, "Okay, girl. Sit down."
And then I was horrified. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror for many days. Anthony said I didn't need to hold my hands on my head when I talked to him, but I couldn't help it. I tried to picture Natalie Portman and Demi Moore, but it just didn't match up with seeing myself all bald.
Gradually, though, I've gotten used to it. I usually wear a baseball cap, which is what I feel most comfortable wearing, or a scarf, which looks a little dressier, and I've started wearing these comfy Adidas ski caps that I really like, too.
And once ... just once! I even went bald. Tyler and I went to yoga class and he encouraged me to go all melon-headed to class, and I did. And I don't think anybody really cared. But I felt ultra proud of myself.
I do have some really cute hats (thanks, Heidi and Kathleen!) that I haven't taken pictures of yet, but I will soon. And despite my sadness over the (temporary!) loss of my hair, I have to admit these things: 1) It is much cheaper to be bald (sorry, George); and 2) I can get ready really, really fast.
8 comments:
i love that you finally posted about your hair loss. Go you! Seriously I am so proud of you! You seem to be handling everything quite well! It sucks, I know. But, having the right attitude is the best healing thing! Love,heather
Hair or no hair, you are one beautiful lady. Your green eyes are gorgeous. I love your courage and your sense of humor.
You look great!!!! Kepp up the positive attitude!!!!
You are gorgeous and so brave to do yoga in the nude (sort of!) And your eyes - wow - I'd never noticed just HOW green they are.
I agree: your eyes really stand out, and so do your lovely cheek bones! Maybe you'll even want to keep your hair short when it grows out again?!
girlfriend "they"(aka other comments) have all said it perfectly but I must repeat it to make sure you know it is true...You look great...honestly I am not just saying that.
Spending less money and less time? Is being bald really that bad...cuz it sounds pretty fabulous to me. If I were as pretty in the face as you I would totally go with it. (I, on the other hand, would look like a giant round pumpkin head...)
The first thing I thought when I saw your picture is "wow! She's so cute!" You honestly are so beautiful. It seems to me that you're going through a healthy grieving process. You miss the hair, but are moving boldly forward. You are an awesome/inspiring lady. Hang in there girl!
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